Slipping Through My Fingers

(Originally written on January 22, 2011)

I feel like the relationships I've had for so long, with close friends and family, have had their frameworks gradually weakening. What were once strong, unyielding foundations, like monuments of reliability, are decaying and loosening in structure. These solid, almost tangible constructions that I could always depend on, always feel, always lean on and hold on to as tightly and for as long as I needed, are now dissolving around me. If I lean I fall. If I try to hold on, they slip hopelessly through my fingers. And I worry that the harder I try to fight it, the harder I try to hold on, the quicker it oozes through. But maybe, just maybe, there has been some recent progress. What I need more than anything is wholehearted effort reciprocated. Mutual understanding. Cooperative perseverance.

The problem, above all, is distance. In most cases physical--all my friends in Cheyenne and elsewhere, and friends who have moved from here in the past couple years, and even one that still lives here in town, a mere few miles away, but it almost might as well be hundreds. If only teleportation was a possible solution. And with some, it's emotional distance--the ones I still see, even now, all the time, but with whom there is just some persistent complication. These ones are the most difficult of all, right here staring me in the face.

There is much work to be done. I hope everyone will bear with me.

I have this ideal, shining so brightly and hopefully in my mind, that the rewards of some endeavor are directly proportional to the difficulty with which they are achieved. And so, with so many of the goals I have in mind as of now, I believe I have an extremely vast amount of happiness to look forward to… if I can just manage to overcome these challenges. Near-infinite difficulty should yield near-infinite treasures.

I could very well become the happiest man on Earth.


Posted by Eli Stanley | at 5:18 PM


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